For me, though, running away turned out to be the best possible solution to my problem.

My problem was happiness, or rather a complete and utter lack of it.

When I was 20 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. In the two years since high school I’d gone from a normal, happy teenager ready to take on the world and all its challenges to someone who could barely get out bed each day. I’d graduated from high school near the top of my class and started college at the University of Michigan with dreams of being a Detroit Red Wings beat writer or becoming President. I was determined, hard working, and optimistic.

Everything changed my junior year.

I started to skip classes and rarely left my bed, save to answer the door for delivery. I didn’t do chores, flaked out on plans, and lied constantly. At night I’d lay awake thinking about everything that was wrong with my life until I finally fell asleep around dawn.

I knew that I was screwing everything up, but I also felt like I couldn’t do anything to change it.

I started having panic attacks about a year later. Most of the time they came out of nowhere. I would lay on the floor crying, hyperventilating, out of control. My fears of ruining my life were holding me down. They were choking me.

Over the years I went on and off medications. Some made me feel better.  I thought I was cured so I’d stop taking them. Others gave me insomnia or the inability to feel any emotions at all. I had come to the conclusion that I would never be normal, that the ability to be happy was something I grown out of when I left my teens.

Two weeks before my 21st birthday I drove myself to the psychiatric emergency room at the University of Michigan hospital. I was scared. I knew I didn’t want to die, but I also didn’t trust myself. The doctor told me I should drop out of school. That I should take time to get better. She gave me a prescription for new medication and told me to follow up with my doctor.

Even though I barely went to class, I couldn’t fathom dropping out of school. That would be the end. I’d have no semblance of normalcy to hang onto. I’d have to tell the truth, admit that I was suffering from a mental illness. So I didn’t. I filled the prescription and went back off it in a few months.

This cycle lasted for almost three years. I felt hopeless and trapped. I watched my friends fall in love and graduate and get jobs and I was alone and stuck in Ann Arbor for a fifth year, unsure of whether I would ever graduate from college and still not sure what the hell I would do once I did.

So I did what any completely depressed person should do and decided to move 4,000 miles away. I was going to spend my last semester studying in Rome. Even though I had debilitating panic attacks almost every day for the month leading up to my flight, off I went.

I always say that Rome saved my life, but maybe it wasn’t Rome. Maybe it could have been anywhere. The act of leaving, of running away from that life, forced me, it forced my brain, to completely readjust. It wasn’t instant and it wasn’t perfect, but being in a new place changed me into a person that could finally be happy again.

I was forced to focus on day to day activities

Once I got to Italy everything got harder. I couldn’t just jump in my car, I had to navigate through winding alleyways and figure out where to buy tram tickets if I wanted to go somewhere. Nothing in the grocery store was familiar. I had to relearn the names of all my usual purchases and I didn’t know if I was buying detergent or fabric softener. Instead of retreating, my mind took this as a challenge.

Errands became an adventure, but also I had no choice but to get up, get out, and get shit done.  In order to survive I had to focus on so many other things that eventually the sad pushed itself out. There wasn’t space, or energy, for the depression anymore.

I learned how to cope and be happy

When I was depressed I was unable to react to things with an appropriate level of emotion. On my friend’s 21st birthday I got denied entry to the bar with my fake ID. Instead of just being annoyed or angry, I hysterically cried and didn’t leave my room for the next two days. I felt like I was always teetering on the edge of sanity, and without coping skills one tiny gust of bad news sent me straight over the edge.

I went to college about 30 miles from my hometown and the house I grew up in became a clutch. I’d run there when I felt like the world was swallowing me. I could retreat into my childhood bedroom and wait until I could see light again. In Rome I didn’t have that safety net. I was living in an apartment with nine other girls and I had nowhere to go. I had to learn how to react to things differently.

There were days when I didn’t leave my bed in Rome, but I also had my roommates constantly inviting me out to try a new restaurant or take a walk or get a gelato. My fear of missing out, and curiosity about my new home, eventually conquered the fear and sadness.

As I spent less and less time in bed, my brain began to register that I was a functioning member of society. The depression and anxiety no longer had a chokehold on me and I was eventually able to better manage my reactions and talk myself out of the crippling panic I felt.

In a lot of ways depression had turned me back into a small child, scared of leaving the house alone, unable to prepare a proper meal, and full of inappropriate reactions. I had to teach myself to be an adult again and learning how to confront my emotions was an important first step.

I found a passion

My favorite activities in college were drinking and watching Grey’s Anatomy DVDs. I had no solid career plan. Besides reading I didn’t really have any hobbies.

Then I went abroad and started traveling to a different country every weekend. I became fascinated with learning how to say hello and thank you in a new language on the way to the airport and my lifelong love of food was reignited when I discovered how exciting it was to try regional dishes in their homelands.

I felt more alive on those weekend trips than I had in almost four years. Even when I circled the same block three times, unable to read the crinkled map I pulled from my purse, I felt happy.

I discovered that travel was my passion, and through that I realized that I wasn’t really running away.

I was running toward happiness.

Writing and publishing this was one of the scariest things I’ve done, but by speaking out I hope to help erase some of the stigma that surrounds mental illness in hopes that more people suffering will seek help. Travel helped me, but no two people suffer the same. I encourage anyone with mental health issues to find the treatment that works for them. Talk to your doctor, go to therapy, take medication, go somewhere new. Do what you need to do to survive. Mental health is a lifelong journey. Figure out what it takes for you to enjoy the ride. If you are feeling suicidal, find a suicide hotline in your country. 

Why Running Away Isn’t Always a Bad Thing is a post from: Farsickness

I quit my job to travel.

Again.

Five years ago I started working as a sales representative in an office outside of Philadelphia. I’d spent the previous four months drinking cappuccini and wandering the cobbled streets of Rome as an au pair. Transitioning from a carefree life of wandering Europe to answering sales inquiries at a call center was nothing short of my worst nightmare. Nine months later, unhappy with my stationery life, I quit my job moved to Korea to teach English and save money for a backpacking trip around Southeast Asia. About six months into what ended up being a two year stint in the country, I wrote a post about what initially spurred my decision to quit my job and travel.

Three months ago, after nearly four years of living abroad and traveling, I started working at a digital advertising agency. It was the start of something I thought I really wanted: a stable career in social media and content marketing and a place to call home. Soon, though, I began to feel stifled. Routine had a firm grip around my neck, slowly strangling my creativity and passion.

I didn’t hate my job, but I found myself crying on the drive to work or at lunch. I had all 13 vacation days for 2015 planned out two months before the year even started, with no leeway for being sick. For eight hours a day my desk was my captor, forcing me to sit and type the things it wanted.

My captor, though, couldn’t stop me from dreaming. And at that desk, and through those dreams, I realized I needed to create the life I wanted to live. That all the things I’d written about three years ago were still true.

I couldn’t spend the next nearly 40 years, save for two weeks a year, in shackles.

Millennials are often called lazy or entitled because we don’t that life, we don’t want to sit in an office and toil away day after day. We don’t want to answer phones and make copies and spend everyday wishing it was the weekend. Our grandparents and our parents worked long and hard, often at jobs they hated, so they could have a better life. To achieve the American dream. We are expected to follow suit. To put on our business casual clothes and spent 40ish hours a week in an office. To fully book our weekends with hikes, brunches, nights out, errands, and all the things we don’t have time to do during the week.  To maybe take a week of vacation so we can spend 5 days on the beach of some all inclusive resort in the Caribbean. To think about cruising around Europe or driving around the US in an RV once we retire and have time.

But for me that is not life.

I’m not living for the weekend.

I’m not waiting for the future.

Everyday won’t be a vacation. I didn’t quit my job for a life of poolside daiquiris and lighthearted beach reads.  I quit my job to travel, yes, but also to pursue a career that is both flexible and interesting to me. I will spend my days blogging. I will edit photos and do research and conduct interviews. I’ll also be working as a freelance writer and digital marketing consultant.

The difference, though, between that and the life before?

I can pick and choose clients. I can set my own hours. I can be location independent.

I quit my job to travel for freedom.

I quit my job to travel for happiness. 

Why I Quit My Job to Travel (Again) is a post from: Farsickness

“Why wait until a new year to change something about yourself?,” I’d think.

Last year I hesitantly made some resolutions, mostly just so I’d have something to post on this blog, thinking I’d forget about most of them in a week or so. While some were never thought about again, I actually accomplished many of the things I set out to and thought about them throughout the year.

This year I’m setting myself even more goals. Goals that are concrete and attainable, a lot of which have to do with professional development. I’ve decided I think it’s nice to have something to work toward. And in a way it’s kind of like setting up a plan for the following year. I have something to follow, a way to guide decisions and make myself happier and more productive.

I’m posting these here, again, to hold myself even more accountable. Especially since I’m first going recap how successful I was last year…

2014 Resolution Recap

Continue to travel

I definitely achieved this one! With a two week trip around Central Europe, a few weekend breaks to the continent, and a week in both Greece and Portugal, I managed to visit 10 countries in 2014. In January I never expected to travel that much, but if this year has taught me anything, it’s that I really can’t sit still even if I try really hard to.

Berlin. My favorite 2014 travel destination.

Cook more often

This was kind of a half achievement. I did really well at times, cooking non-stop for a week or so, and then I’d fall back off the wagon and eat takeout or canned soup for every meal. But, I did find some recipes I love AND cooked an entire Christmas Eve dinner last week so I’m not writing this off entirely as a fail. I hope to continue cooking more and more every year.

Get the most out of London

I think I did a fairly good job at this, financial situation considered. Having a few friends come visit in 2014 definitely helped me tick off some boxes, and I can say that I feel happy with the amount of things I saw, did, and ate in London this year. Of course, the problem with a city like London is that you never truly feel like you saw or did enough because there’s always something new and exciting happening. I don’t think I’ll ever be done with London, but I’m glad for the experiences I had when I called that city home.

Iconic London. Check.

Study Italian

Massive fail. I think I read a few articles about Tiziano Ferro and watched Joe Bastianich’s best MasterChef Italy insults in Italian. That kind of counts, right?

Get a job

Achieved! I started working at a coffee shop two days after I moved back to Louisville (how’s that for being proactive?!) and in October I began an internship in social media and content marketing at a digital advertising agency. Funny enough, at the beginning of the year I thought this would be the most difficult resolution. While adjusting to coming into an office 5 days a week has been kind of a challenge, the actual finding a job part was surprisingly easy.

Don’t overthink things, make things happen

This will always be a work in progress for me, I’ve decided. I definitely did a lot better this year, but there are still fall victim to my brain constantly overworking itself. Now that I’m aware this is a problem for me, I’m able to at least stop myself more when I get back into this habit.

2015 Resolutions

Go somewhere every month

I’ve barely left Louisville since I moved here at the beginning of September and to be honest, it’s made me feel a bit trapped. Next year, though, I plan to go somewhere every month. It doesn’t have to be somewhere new or far away, but it has to be somewhere not in the state of Kentucky. I already have flights booked for Chicago and San Diego in January and February, and I have Nashville and Asheville on the docket for warmer months.

Grow Farsickness and Global Beer Guide

I’ve made some money and had the chance to work with a few brands through this blog, but I’d like 2015 to be a real growth year for Farsickness. It’s going to take some work but with a lot more effort put into SEO and social media, I hope to increase my traffic and following in order to partner with brands I love and have more awesome content for this blog. In February I’m launching Global Beer Guide, a site dedicated to beer around the world. I’m really excited to be working with some great contributors and combining my two loves. I hope that by the end of 2015 GBG will be the go-to resource for beer loving travelers.

Logo for my new baby.

Build a bigger freelance client base

Somewhat relatedly, I’d like to writer for other outlets. This year I wrote a few things for HostelBookers and it was exciting to see my writing out there being seen by tons of people. I’m going to be pitching like crazy over the next couple of months with the goal of getting some long term freelance clients.

Become an Italian citizen

Because my great-grandparents were born in Sicily (and didn’t become American citizens until after my grandma was born) and Italy believes citizenship is acquired through blood, I can become an Italian citizen! I’ve known this for quite a few years but laziness, money, and not being in the US have gotten in the way of me actually taking on this arduous process. This year, though, is the year I will become an Italian citizen. Or at the very least, submit all my documents as I have zero control over Italian bureaucracy, which is notoriously slow. Hopefully by the end of 2015, or early 2016, I will have an Italian passport!

And then I will move here and eat suppli everyday until I die.

Become a better photographer

I’ve had my DSLR for over 4 years now and I still shoot on aperture mode. I want to get myself used to shooting in manual. I also want to practice more with my 50 mm lens and improve my framing and angles. Oh, and finally download Lightroom and shoot in RAW so I can do much better post-processing. There’s obviously a lot of work to be done here!

Take more photos of myself

This might seem vain, but I was looking for photos of myself for a project last week and I realize I have very few and it made me sad. Yes, I have memories from all my travels but I’d love to have more photos of myself experiencing these things. This year I am getting over the hangups I have about asking people for photos, becoming a better selfie taker, and learning to not be concerned about my appearance so much.

One of the few photos I have of myself from 2014.

Pass the Certified Beer Server Exam and start studying for the Cicerone Certification

I’d like to shift beer from being only a passion to part of my profession and I want people to know that I know my stuff. The Cicerone Certification Program exists to do just that. They offer 3 levels of certifications to beer professionals- Certified Beer Sever, Certified Cicerone, and Master Cicerone- each showing you have knowledge of all aspects of beer. The first level, Certified Beer Server, is a 60 minute online exam that I know I can take and pass this year. To become a Certified Cicerone you must pass both a written and tasting test and it involves months of studying, something I hope to get started on this year.

Get healthier and stronger

This is the most cliche resolution ever. I know. But I really need to get my ass in gear and go to the gym more than once a quarter. I want to be healthy and strong. I want to have more energy. I want to climb mountains and learn to surf and do all the things where having some cardiovascular endurance and muscle tone is needed and not want to cry.

What are your resolutions for 2015?

My Resolutions for 2015 (And a 2014 Resolution Recap) is a post from: Farsickness

I have to keep repeating this to myself otherwise I don’t believe it. My brain seems to be stuck somewhere around April or May.

But the calendar tells me there’s a little over a week left in 2014 which means it’s time to look back at what’s happened this year.

When I wrote my 2013 review I said that I couldn’t wait to see where I’d be in 365 days. Of all the ideas I had thrown around for possible places to live, I ended up in the last place I would’ve guessed- my parents house in Louisville.

In a way it kind of represents the kind of year I had. 2014 was, in a lot of ways, nothing like I imagined it would be. While I was right that my year would be far more stationary than the previous, I still managed to spend time in 10 countries (11 if you count Scotland) and travel 19,447 miles. There were points when I hated London more than I ever thought I could, and then times when I couldn’t picture myself living anywhere else.

When I decided to leave, I thought that settling down in the US and having a full time job in an office like a normal American person would bring me the feeling of calm that I’d been lacking due to my nomadic ways. Instead, it’s made me question everything even more.

That’s not to say 2014 was bad. It wasn’t. I passed my Master’s degree. I found a job in digital advertising. I had a wonderful time traveling around Europe, both solo and with friends. Even though a couple friendships fizzled out, I was lucky to meet a few new people I’m happy to now call friends, and I strengthened the bonds I have with others.

Like last year, this review covers my favorite memories of the year in photo form (though some have longer stories attached because I got carried away). Some are photos that I’m particularly fond of, and others are just shitty iPhone photos of things worth remembering.

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In February I attended Craft Beer Rising, an event at Old Truman Brewery in East London celebrating craft beer from around the world. With karaoke plans with a big group of friends for that night, I’d promised myself to take it easy while day drinking. But with so many free samples or paid for half pints it soon devolved into something else, and by the time the 5 pm session ended I was relentlessly flirting the married head of marketing of a rather large American microbrewery. Oops. One of my favorite London days, for sure.

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Walking along the south bank of the Thames was a favorite activity of mine, even on cold, grey winter days.

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In March I took advantage of the unseasonably sunny and warm weather with a day trip to Whitstable, a seaside town in Kent.

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Ashley and I went down to Brighton and had a wonderful time riding roller coasters on the pier and treating ourselves to a fabulous meal.

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#GirlsGoneMAD was one of my favorite weekends all year. I’m glad I found people who will dance all night, steal drinks from the bar, and then drunk eat arugula with me. (Oh, and they also like to travel and share their blogging, social media, and photo editing expertise!)

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Berlin was quite possibly my favorite destination of 2014. A lot of it had to do with the abundance of awesome street art.

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Spring in Krakow was truly beautiful.

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So was this sunset over the Danube on my last night in Budapest.

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I’ve discovered that a lot of time it’s not necessarily the place that makes a trip great, but the people who are there with you. And while Scotland was nearly perfect in and of itself, being able to explore it with 3 of my best friends from college made the experience even more special.

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Amsterdam. The most beautiful city where you can have the most ridiculous amount of fun. This wooden shoe picture never fails to make laugh and is a great example of why I rarely ask random people to take my photo. They always turn out way worse than you could ever imagine a photo turning out.

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In May my flatmate and I held a Eurovision viewing party (my first Eurovision!) at our flat complete with European themed food and drink. We also encouraged people to dress up in costumes based on different countries of Europe- I went with Greece (because it was easy to throw together at the last minute) and Claire donned her clothes representing her German-ness. Much fun was had.

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Cologne: The best dinner ever.

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My friends Brooke and Heather came and visited in June. This was Heather’s first visit to the English capital, so a visit to Parliament Square was the first stop on our one day LDN crash course. We emerged from Westminster Station and found ourselves in the middle of a very large crowd. The roads were blocked off and police were everywhere. I asked one what the hell was going on and discovered it was a parade celebrating the opening of anew session of Parliament. We apparently just missed the Queen, but did get to see some of her Guard walk by. Such an “only in London” moment.

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Potatoes are my favorite food, especially when fried. These frites in Brussels may very well be the best thing I ate all year.

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I really, really, really love sunsets. The ones in Santorini were unreal.

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On Saturday afternoons a bunch of South London microbreweries open their doors for a craft beer crawl called the Bermondsey Beer Mile and it’s pretty much perfect.

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PORTUGAL. My flatmate “forced” me to accompany me her to Portugal in August and, holy hell, it blew me away. The beaches in the Algarve are beautiful and the people are so friendly and everything is relatively cheap. Add this country to your 2015 travel list now.

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This year marked the 100 year anniversary of the outbreak of World War I. To honor those lost, artist Paul Cummins created an art installation project at the Tower of London called ‘Blood Swept Lands and Seas of Red’. Poppies, each one representing a British military death in the war, were gradually added throughout the summer and up until Remembrance Day on November 11. I visited the site on my last day in London and was moved by the simplicity of the piece and all it represented.

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Back in the States I got to visit all the Northern Michigan landmarks I somehow missed as a child: Sleeping Bear Dunes in Traverse City, Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, and Mackinaw Island.

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Leaves in the UK don’t really change color in the fall (except to brown) so I took full advantage of all the orange, red, and yellow in Louisville with a couple urban hikes.

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I was a huge horse racing fan as a child and always dreamed of watching a race at Churchill Downs. Last month this came true! I got to hang out in a finish line suite right next to the famous twin spires, spend time with my family, and lose some money. It was a dream come true. Minus the money losing part.

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What’s your favorite memory from 2014?

2014: A Photo Review is a post from: Farsickness

My biggest problem over the past almost 3 years of blogging at Farsickness has been consistency. I’ll set up an editorial calendar, all ready to crank out a back log of posts, and then a week or two later I’ll find myself playing catch up again.

I just can’t force myself to write.

I can crank out articles for clients or at work, but when it comes to writing this blog I have a hard time finding the words I need when I don’t feel inspired or when I’m tired and stressed from other aspects of my life. It’s unfortunate, but I’m trying to come to peace with that. To not let myself feel even more stressed because I can’t write here.

What have I been up to recently? 

Working, mostly. I started working full time at my internship after Thanksgiving, which is one of the reasons I haven’t been posting. I used to get a lot of writing done in the mornings before I’d go in, but now I don’t have those few hours to get things done. On the weekends I work at my neighborhood coffee shop which is one of the highlights of my week, actually. Then 5-10 hours I spend there on Saturdays is one of the few times where I don’t feel stressed.

I’ve also started a new online project because I’m obviously a masochist and never want to give myself a break. I’m not quite ready to announce what it is, but the site will go live in early February and I’m REALLY excited about it. Watch the blog and social spaces for updates.

Other than that I’ve been sampling a wide array of Christmas beers and hitting up every free glass night I can find in order to add to my pint glass collection. My childhood dream of seeing live racing at Churchill Downs came true. I’ve booked a couple flights for trips in January and February next year.

Oh, and I’ve been getting ready for Christmas.

As I get older I find it harder and harder to find the Christmas spirit inside of me, but I’ve been trying my best this year. I even decorated a gingerbread house with my mom this weekend! In an attempt to spread a little more Christmas cheer I want to give all my readers- those who’ve stuck around through periods of silence, those whose comments bring me great joy, and even those who’ve just stumbled across this blog- a little present.

100 Farsickness readers can now send a free postcard anywhere in the world right from their iPhone with the app Postify! 

It’s the perfect way to send some holiday cheer to a friend or family member. Or send your old flatmate a photo of the two of you wandering London drunk. Either one.

All you have to do is download Postify from iTunes, choose a photo, write a message, fill out the recipient’s address, and use the code “farsickness” at checkout. No need for credit card details.

So, start sending and have a very Merry Christmas, happy other holiday, or just a great last 2 weeks of 2014. Y’all rock.

Disclaimer: Postify offered me a free postcard. Free postcards are awesome so I said yes. 

Who will be receiving a Postify postcard from you? 

Life Lately + A Christmas Giveaway is a post from: Farsickness

While I try to be grateful on a daily basis, it’s easy for me to get bogged down by the day to day of life and forget just how much I have to be thankful for. Today, the day before Thanksgiving and before the too much turkey haze sets in, is the perfect time to sit back and think about how lucky I really am.

What am I thankful for?

I’m thankful for my American passport.

I am not really proud to be an American. In fact, there are many times that things happen in the US that make me slightly ashamed of the country my blue passport represents. But I will be forever thankful that I was born in a place that lets me travel freely through so much of the world.

When I applied for British visa I really discovered just how much privilege an American passport affords me. The United States is considered a “low risk” country by the UK and because of this I was exempt from supplying a lot of addition documentation, including bank account information. When I talked to a Vietnamese friend about her experience I found out that she not only had to send in thorough documentation, but also be interviewed by someone from UKBA who asked questions that seemed to be completely irrelevant to border control.

I’m thankful for the people in my corner cheering me on.

I have some really wonderful people in my life, especially my female friends. I’ve been fortunate enough to meet and befriend so many supportive women over the past 10 years. My friends are fairly segmented- college friends, study abroad friends, au pair friends, Korea friends, London friends, and travel friends- but the all have a few things in common. They aren’t here to judge. We all want each other to be successful. From tough love conversations over a pint in a pub to being supportive of decisions they really weren’t happy with but understood, I know I have a lot of people who want me to do well. The same things that I want for them. I’m thankful that even though we aren’t physically near each other, these women are always only a phone call, text, or Facebook message away.

I’m thankful for my health.

I am particularly lazy when it comes to taking care of my body. I’m not really proud of it, but it’s the truth. I rarely work out, eat whatever sounds good at the time, and drink too frequently, but somehow through all of that I’ve stayed healthy. This year I had my first health scare. For about two weeks this summer the doctors though I might have an autoimmune disorder. Although it wouldn’t have been something terminal, it would have drastically changed my life. Additionally, I knew I was moving back to the United States in two months and wouldn’t have health insurance. I was terrified. Luckily, the tests proved this be to wrong but it made me realize I had been taking my healthy body for granted. Maybe I’ll try to throw in some running to my calendar next year…

I’m thankful I always have a place to come home.

My traipsing around the world hasn’t always been something my parents were extremely happy about, but every time I come home they welcome me back into their house with open arms. And an open pantry and refrigerator. When they moved earlier this year my mom even made me up a bedroom and put all of my books on shelves. While I’m trying to figure out my life they are letting me live with them rent free and use one of their cars to drive to my internship everyday. Thanks, parents!

And most of all…I’m thankful I’ve been able to see so much of this beautiful planet.

I recently wrote about how much travel has changed me, and for all of those reasons I will be forever thankful that I began this journey five years ago. Traveling, and writing this blog about my travels, has allowed me to meet so many like minded people who make me think that packing up all belongings and moving to random cities I’ve never been to isn’t that crazy. I’ve also been able to interact with people around the world, people from so many different countries and cultures, and from them learn about life.

While so many travel blogs and websites will say that everyone can travel if they really want to, I know this is not true and I know I am lucky that my passport, my country, my upbringing, and my support system has allowed me to be able to live this lifestyle. I’ve worked hard to fund my travels, but I am thankful that the other circumstances allowed this hard work to be enough.

What are you thankful for this year?

Giving Thanks is a post from: Farsickness

Reliving these experiences while settling back into what is considered a normal American life has gotten me thinking about what I’ve gained from the last four years, and how these experiences have shaped me as a person. There is no doubt, I am a very different person than I was when I first moved abroad in January 2009.

Falling off a deck completely sober in Vietnam.

Throughout college I suffered from depression and anxiety, something I don’t often talk about on the blog, and in the months leading up my departure for Rome I was having very frequent anxiety atacks. I always say that Rome saved me and in a lot of ways it did. Living in a foreign country forced me to change a lot of things about myself, and the ways in which I thought about things, in order to do day to day things.

My journey since then- from living in Korea, traveling around Southeast Asia, and getting my Master’s degree in London- has continued this personal journey, each place presenting its own set of challenges that has allowed to grow into a happier, more confident person.

I’m still working on of things, including my chronic low level anxiety, but here are some of the ways traveling the world has changed me.

I am more laid back

I spent a large part of my life constantly on edge. I planned every single little detail of things and if something deviated from the plan I would feel sad, mad, or anxious. I hated when people canceled plans. I hated when things didn’t go my way. I built up expectations for things and then when they weren’t met I felt disappointed. As you can imagine, this isn’t a fun way to live. In fact, it was probably a key contributor to my depression and anxiety struggles.

Laid back in Laos

Living abroad, especially in Korea where I couldn’t speak the language at all, forced me to loosen my grip on the world around me. I couldn’t communicate basic needs or wants. My job was a cluster where things were cancelled, changed, or added at the last minute. In order to be happy I learned to just accept what I was given or what I needed to do. I soon realized that life was a lot more fun like that.

I didn’t need to plan everything. A trip was okay if I didn’t see every sight. If I ate at a restaurant I didn’t really feel like going to, I would most likely still enjoy my dinner. When I didn’t have really high expectations for people or places, I was more likely to find the little things that made them special.

Cracking open a beer on the night train to Chiang Mai.

I judge less

It’s embarrassing to admit now, but I used to be really judgmental. About a lot of things. I would judge people’s choice of clothes or hairstyle. I would judge people if I thought they were getting married too young or too fast, if they didn’t go to college, if they liked . One day a few years ago I thought about the life decisions I’d made, particularly the decision to live abroad and travel rather than stay in the United States and work toward a more traditional career path. This was met with a lot of questions and some pushback from people I knew. I thought to myself, “But if it makes me happy and doesn’t effect you, then what’s wrong with it?”

Proverbial light bulb.

If people want to get married at 18 or wear clothes I don’t like or only eat chicken because it makes them happy then who I am to judge?

I look like I’m judging you in Paris. But I’m not.

I am constantly restless 

While travel has changed me mostly for the positive, there is one negative: I can’t sit still. Even though I spent a lot of the last few years living abroad and not constantly traveling, I still spent a lot of time exploring new places. While living in London and Rome it was easy to take weekend trips in country or around Europe, and in Korea I spent a lot of time exploring other Korean cities when I had the time. I’ve been in Louisville now for 2 months and it’s the longest I’ve gone without traveling in years. When I spend a lot of time in one place I feel stifled and trapped. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be able to live in the constraints of 10 vacation days a year.

Walking in Burma

I care less about what others think about me

Do you know how exhausting it is to always worry that someone is judging you? Really fucking exhausting. Until my early 20s I was constantly worried about what people were thinking about me. Will that person on the street who doesn’t know me notice that I’ve doubled back two times because I’m lost and think I’m stupid? Does that stranger who I will never see again think these shoes are ugly? Does the waitress think I have no friends because I’m eating lunch alone?

I’ve learned that most people really don’t give a shit about you. In the best possible way of course. Most people in the world are friendly. People on the street will give you directions if you ask and not think you’re stupid and other hostel guests won’t think you’re a huge loser because you’re alone. Basically, I had to get over myself to realize everyone else never cared that much.

Sitting on a statue’s lap in Portugal and no one cares!

I am resilient

For most of my change crippled me. Anything from the change of a school year to the change of seasons caused me to become upset. When I moved back from Italy after being an au pair I was incredibly unhappy. I lived in Philadelphia, had no friends, and worked a job I hated. I couldn’t deal. I cried constantly. But I did nothing to really change my situation.

I then moved to Korea alone and started teaching, something I’d never done. I was scared, but I realized that I had the power to determine if I could make it. My trip in Southeast Asia had me constantly moving. I think the longest I stayed anywhere was 5 nights in Pai. This involved getting to know new cities, learning words of a new language, sleeping in a new bed, and meeting new people. I found out that I actually thrive in these kinds of situations. While they might be scary at first there is something rewarding about powering through, making the best of it, and finding it enjoyable.

Now, drop me off anywhere and I can feel at home in a few days. I didn’t want to move to Louisville and I thought it would be hard. But because I know I can survive anything I went into this with the right attitude and I’ve thrived. Thank you, travel.

How has travel changed you?

How Travel Has Changed Me is a post from: Farsickness

A few days after I posted that, I realized something I thought would never be true.

I actually like Louisville.

I had been way too quick to judge this little city stuck between the north and the south. I immediately wrote it off as too small and too backward. I figured since it is Kentucky it would be too religious and too conservative. I thought people would close minded and unwelcoming. On the whole, I couldn’t have been further from the truth and I’ve since discovered a few great things about this city that are making me want to stay.

1. There’s a huge craft beer and food scene

There’s only two things I really need in life to be happy- good food and good beer. Luckily, Louisville has an abundance of both! The city was recently named as one of the most underrated food cities in the US by Thrillist and has received countless other accolades over the years. It’s definitely a fun place to eat. On Friday I attended the opening night of Roux, a New Orleans inspired restaurant, and had great gumbo and a fabulous cocktail.

My favorite Louisville lunch spot.

Oh, and the beer? While a lot of the breweries in Kentucky aren’t my favorite, there is a passion for craft beer here. Holy Grale has a rotating theme of craft beers and other craft beer bars regularly host tap takeovers. Last week I attended a craft beer night at the Kentucky Science Center (more about that soon!) and next week there’s a huge craft beer festival. I’m excited to discover more about brewing in this region.

2. I can easily explore more of the US

Okay, the airport here is absolute shit, but driving wise, Louisville is centrally located to a lot of cities- less than 3 hours to Nashville, 4.5 to St. Louis, and 7 or so to Atlanta. I’m already dreaming up road trips around the South, an area of the country I haven’t had to chance to visit much.

Plus, there’s a lot of natural beauty in the area. I’m going to hiking at Red River Gorge in a couple of weeks in hopes of catching some fall colors (unlike my fall color Seoraksan hike a couple of years ago) and I hope to make it out to Cumberland Falls sometime soon.

3. It’s a nice size…and cheap

As much as I love London, since leaving I’ve realized that being there made me feel anxious and exhausted a lot of the time. Louisville is much, much smaller. I used to think of this as a negative, but it turns out there’s still a lot of things to do. Yes, there’s a serious lack of public transportation and I’ve had to learn to drive again, but it turns out even that’s not as bad as I thought.

Louisville is also cheap. Like, really, really cheap. I was taking a look at apartment ads on Craigslist and you can rent a one bedroom place for well under $1,000 a month. Like $600 a month in some places. For a one bedroom apartment in a good location. $600. I still can’t believe it. Not having to pay half my wage toward rent means I could spend it on things I like more. Like food, beer, and travel.

4. I’m close to family and friends

I think I underestimated how much I missed my family and friends in the US. Even just the simple things. It’s nice to be able to complain about Brady Hoke with my dad or make fun of people on House Hunters with my mom or go to Target with my sister. This weekend I’m driving up to Ann Arbor for a birthday celebration and an epic day of tailgating.

My lovely parents!

My sister will probably hate me for posting this.

I’m within driving distance of friends in Chicago and family in North Carolina, and am already trying to plan long weekends in Minneapolis, San Francisco, and New York to see others. Oh, and next month I get to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family for the first time since 2008! These were things that were impossible abroad, and would be nearly impossible in American cities that are further away or more expensive.

(Yes, there are two sides to this coin. I do miss my UK friends a whole bunch!)

5. There’s a plethora of writing and work opportunities

Since I’ve been back I’ve gotten a huge amount of new freelance work. People want people who can write about Louisville. There are a million other people trying to write about cities like London and New York. The competition in Louisville is a lot less stiff. Maybe that seems like settling for some, but if I can do what I love without having to have tons of connections (which I don’t) then I am happy.

I was also offered an internship doing social media for what seems like a totally awesome local digital marketing agency and I’m so excited for this opportunity to learn more about something I love in a professional environment. This is worth sticking around for alone!

I’ve second guessed a lot of decisions I’ve made in my life, but deciding to stay in Louisville? I’ve never felt more sure of anything.

Has a place ever surprised you? Are you coming to Louisville in the future (you should)? Let’s grab a beer!

Why I’m Staying in Louisville is a post from: Farsickness

I know you’ve all been waiting with bated breath for this post and I apologize it has taken me a little longer to get up than I had originally planned.

Leaving London ended up being a lot harder than I thought it would. When I first made the decision to head back to America I was going through a sort of depression. My friends had just left, my bank account was in appalling shape, and I started to really feel the pressure of my dissertation and impending job hunt. After a few weeks of wallowing I forced myself to make changes toward happiness and I spent my last 6 weeks either loving London or taking advantage of being so close to continental Europe. It was a practically perfect ending.

Except for the fact that it was an ending. My last few days in London were a tearful combination of finishing my dissertation and trying to find a good way to say goodbye to a city I love and some of my best friends.

Turns out there isn’t a good way. You just have to go. And maybe cry so hysterically as the plane takes off that a flight attendant brings you an emergency bottle of water.

Then 8 hours later you’re back and you just have to kind of deal with it so you don’t go crazy.

Luckily, I planned it so my reintegration into American real life would be slow a one. Instead of immediately going to my parents’ house in Kentucky and starting the tedious job application process I spent 10 days in Michigan, the state where I grew up.

Sleeping Bear Dunes on Lake Michigan

After seeing Michigan play at the Big House for the first time in 4 years, I headed up north for some Labor Day Weekend fun. I explored Sleeping Bear Dunes, discovered that Traverse City is actually cool, crossed the Mackinac Bridge to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula for a chance to see Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore on Lake Superior, and ate Mackinac Island fudge on Mackinac Island.

Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore

Back downstate, I spent the next few days with my good friend Ashley and her lovely family. Ashley was kind of enough to drive me around to my favorite southeast Michigan eats, Leo’s Coney Island and Middle Eastern, and introduce me to Ferndale, the hipster capital of metro Detroit. We also spent plenty of time commiserating about how hard it is to find a job right now and how much we miss traveling and cheap food in Asia.

Then it was onto Ann Arbor, my favorite little city, where I met up with Tobye, my travel and eating partner in crime my first year in Korea, to celebrate the marriage of our two wonderful friends, Dan and Danielle. I was there when Danielle met Dan five years ago in Rome and it was so special to be there to see them get married.

The day after the wedding, Tobye and I took a train to Detroit. Not knowing that everyone I know would think it was crazy, I booked us into a hostel in the Corktown neighborhood for the night so we could explore the city’s “revitalization”. Basically, we ate and drank our way around Detroit in less than 24 hours.

On Monday I dropped Tobye off at the airport in Detroit and began the drive south. I’ve been in Louisville for a little over a week now and it was once I arrived here that it hit me.

I’m not going back to London.

I have an American phone number. I opened an American bank account. I renewed my driving license. I drove a car for the first time in 3.5 years. On the freeway. Going 80 mph.

There are many days I wake up feeling sad that I had to leave my life behind and confused about how to function in the United States. I’ve experience reverse culture shock before, but it never seems to get easier. The feeling of alienation when you don’t understand cultural norms in what is supposedly your home is unnerving. I feel like an outsider, but my accent and passport tell people this is where I belong.

While I dream of booking a flight back to London and camping out in the living room of my old flat I know this, sadly, is impossible. So what next?

The answer is, I don’t really know.

I have a part-time job as a barista here in Louisville, but I know this isn’t a city where I can settle down. New York is my goal and I’ve begun applying for jobs, but I wonder how long it will take me find something, especially as I took a less than traditional route in life. I want to stop moving around, but I worry that I’ll miss travel and the excitement of being an expat.

If there’s something I’ve learned, though, from the past four years abroad it’s that you will never be 100% certain about any decision but sometimes you just have to make it anyway.

One thing I’m certain of? I’m back to blogging. Next week I’ll finish up my posts on Budapest and then start coverage of all my other spring and summer travels!

Back in the United States, Back to Blogging…What’s Next? is a post from: Farsickness

I know what you’re probably thinking.

This blog doesn’t get updated regularly and I often just disappear for a few months, so why do I feel the need to announce a break now?

Well, for my own sanity really. Even though I don’t have a regular posting schedule, in my mind I would like one. I am constantly making list of post ideas and when I don’t post, even when I’m too busy to post, I get stressed. So I figure if I make it official, I can hopefully get out of my own head about it.

If you’re still reading, you’re probably wondering why I’m taking a 6 week blogging hiatus. There are several.

On Saturday I’m leaving for a week long vacation in Greece. I’m meeting Tara, my favorite travel partner, in Athens and then we will be spending the next 5 days relaxing on Santorini. You may have noticed the words relaxing and vacation in the two previous sentences. I’m not bringing my laptop and I don’t want to be consumed by thoughts of work I should be doing. I want to drink wine and eat fried cheese and get a tan.

The main reason for this break, though, is the final project for my Master’s degree that is due the end of August. Being the ridiculous procrastinator that I am, I haven’t really done much work yet. (I need the pressure of a deadline that is nearer than 2 months out!) This means that after my trip to Greece I need to spend every waking moment researching, writing, and creating a website so that I can actually compete my degree.

Oh, and I’m also going to Portugal for a week in August. And I’d like to possibly have some time to enjoy my last few weeks in London and say goodbye to my friends when I’m not chained to my computer.

This means that blogging is getting put on the back burner for now. I fly back to the US on August 28 and after a week of road tripping around Michigan, catching up with old friends, and wedding celebrations I’ll be back in Louisville with nothing but time to blog.

I still have so many stories to share from my travels this spring (Scotland, Amsterdam, Cologne, Brussels, HARRY POTTER!) and I’m excited to do so when I have the time to do them justice.

In the meantime, follow me on Instagram for real time updates. And lots of beach and food spam.

Have any tips on what to do (or eat) in Santorini? Or how to concentrate for longer than 5 seconds on writing a dissertation? Or how to code an awesome website from scratch? Leave them in the comments!

See You in September! is a post from: Farsickness