I’m baaaaack!
I know you’ve all been waiting with bated breath for this post and I apologize it has taken me a little longer to get up than I had originally planned.
Leaving London ended up being a lot harder than I thought it would. When I first made the decision to head back to America I was going through a sort of depression. My friends had just left, my bank account was in appalling shape, and I started to really feel the pressure of my dissertation and impending job hunt. After a few weeks of wallowing I forced myself to make changes toward happiness and I spent my last 6 weeks either loving London or taking advantage of being so close to continental Europe. It was a practically perfect ending.
Except for the fact that it was an ending. My last few days in London were a tearful combination of finishing my dissertation and trying to find a good way to say goodbye to a city I love and some of my best friends.
Turns out there isn’t a good way. You just have to go. And maybe cry so hysterically as the plane takes off that a flight attendant brings you an emergency bottle of water.
Then 8 hours later you’re back and you just have to kind of deal with it so you don’t go crazy.
Luckily, I planned it so my reintegration into American real life would be slow a one. Instead of immediately going to my parents’ house in Kentucky and starting the tedious job application process I spent 10 days in Michigan, the state where I grew up.
Sleeping Bear Dunes on Lake Michigan
After seeing Michigan play at the Big House for the first time in 4 years, I headed up north for some Labor Day Weekend fun. I explored Sleeping Bear Dunes, discovered that Traverse City is actually cool, crossed the Mackinac Bridge to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula for a chance to see Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore on Lake Superior, and ate Mackinac Island fudge on Mackinac Island.
Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore
Back downstate, I spent the next few days with my good friend Ashley and her lovely family. Ashley was kind of enough to drive me around to my favorite southeast Michigan eats, Leo’s Coney Island and Middle Eastern, and introduce me to Ferndale, the hipster capital of metro Detroit. We also spent plenty of time commiserating about how hard it is to find a job right now and how much we miss traveling and cheap food in Asia.
Then it was onto Ann Arbor, my favorite little city, where I met up with Tobye, my travel and eating partner in crime my first year in Korea, to celebrate the marriage of our two wonderful friends, Dan and Danielle. I was there when Danielle met Dan five years ago in Rome and it was so special to be there to see them get married.
The day after the wedding, Tobye and I took a train to Detroit. Not knowing that everyone I know would think it was crazy, I booked us into a hostel in the Corktown neighborhood for the night so we could explore the city’s “revitalization”. Basically, we ate and drank our way around Detroit in less than 24 hours.
On Monday I dropped Tobye off at the airport in Detroit and began the drive south. I’ve been in Louisville for a little over a week now and it was once I arrived here that it hit me.
I’m not going back to London.
I have an American phone number. I opened an American bank account. I renewed my driving license. I drove a car for the first time in 3.5 years. On the freeway. Going 80 mph.
There are many days I wake up feeling sad that I had to leave my life behind and confused about how to function in the United States. I’ve experience reverse culture shock before, but it never seems to get easier. The feeling of alienation when you don’t understand cultural norms in what is supposedly your home is unnerving. I feel like an outsider, but my accent and passport tell people this is where I belong.
While I dream of booking a flight back to London and camping out in the living room of my old flat I know this, sadly, is impossible. So what next?
The answer is, I don’t really know.
I have a part-time job as a barista here in Louisville, but I know this isn’t a city where I can settle down. New York is my goal and I’ve begun applying for jobs, but I wonder how long it will take me find something, especially as I took a less than traditional route in life. I want to stop moving around, but I worry that I’ll miss travel and the excitement of being an expat.
If there’s something I’ve learned, though, from the past four years abroad it’s that you will never be 100% certain about any decision but sometimes you just have to make it anyway.
One thing I’m certain of? I’m back to blogging. Next week I’ll finish up my posts on Budapest and then start coverage of all my other spring and summer travels!
I am sending you all kinds of luck in finding your dream job! On the plus side, America has some pretty damn good food! I think it’s what I miss most, or maybe the grass is just always greener.
Rachel Jones recently posted..Religious India: 5 Spiritual Things to do in India
Thank you so much Rachel! And yes, soooo much good food. I think I’ve already gained about 5 lbs…
If there’s any place in America where nontraditional life paths are an asset, it’s New York. Good luck with your job search!
Heather recently posted..Riga Turns 813: Celebrating at the Riga City Festival
That is probably very true! Thanks Heather
I wrote a comment but it doesn’t seem like it went up- weird! Anyway we had a great time with you in Michigan and call me if you ever want to complain about job-hunting, lol. I’m allll ears.
Ashley Fleckenstein recently posted..Intro to India: What I Loved (And Didn’t Love) About India
YESSS. I’m sure you will hear lots from me about job hunting. Also, I forgot I could call people lol.
I’ve been feeling a similar pinch lately when it comes to the reality of job prospects after having gone the non-traditional route, so I feel for you so much right now. It’s not a fun place to be. I can promise it gets better. That initial anxiety twist goes away. I wish you the best of luck searching for the perfect job for you!
I hope so! Thanks for the well wishes. I also hope you’re able to find a wonderful job.
Good Luck on the job hunt. I totally commiserate with that feeling of leaving a place that you loved too soon. We’re all wandering, waiting for the moment that we’ll finally feel like we’re “home” somewhere and when we find it, it’s a horrible realization when we discover we can’t stay. For me it was Australia. Maybe one day we’ll get back to those places we love.
Laura recently posted..Where We Stayed: Sokcho
You have summed it up so well. Having to leave is definitely the worst part of being an expat. I hope a return to Australia is in your future!
Hi there, I’ve just found you through Tom’s blog. However, I feel for you. It must be so frustrating having to leave what you love for “normalacy”. I hope you get a job in New York and wish you all the very best.
Victoria@ The British Berliner recently posted..Thai food is going to kill you: Cook your own!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting! It was hard, especially because London was what I wanted for my normal but hopefully what I find next will be just as good
Glad to see you back on your blog! Moving back home is hard and it takes time to adjust- but hopefully you’ll get a job offer in New York soon!! PS- I worked at summer camp in Kentucky many years ago now (through the Camp America program). I remember Louisville very fondly
can see why you’d rather be in New York though 
Joella in Beijing recently posted..My Favourite Expat Travel Blogs
I’ve met so many Brits who did Camp America and loved it. Must be a great program. And yeah, Louisville is pretty cool!
Oh yes, coming home can be so hard, I struggled so badly when I moved back to Australia! At least you have lots of recent travels to blog about because that sure helps me feel like I’m still away! Hope you settle in OK. Or as OK as possible.
Amanda Kendle recently posted..Beyond the skyscrapers: Nature in Hong Kong
I hope that’s the case as I start writing! Thanks for the comment, Amanda.
Wow, hun. What a change for you. I’m sorry being home is hitting you so hard – I know how that feels. It sounds so weird to think you won’t be back in London. I just can’t imagine it.
If you do find yourself in New York or anywhere east in the next few months, I just want you to know that I’ll be travelling along the east coast for most of January – Boston, Salem, NY, Philadelphia, D.C., that sort of thing. So let me know if you’ll be around. Would love to see you.
Ceri recently posted..My Friend Asked Me Why I Stopped Writing. So I Told Her …
Strangely enough, it’s gotten a lot better in the past week. I definitely still miss London, but I’m getting more used to home. And I’ll be back to visit next year!
Ahhhh!! I hope we can meet up when you’re here
Hi! I literally just discovered your blog! I look forward to seeing you you readjust into the US life (or, who knows?, where you’re off to next), and I’m wishing you the best of luck (though my goal has been to end up in San Francisco as I’m over the East Coast weather!).
Thank you so much Samantha! I agree, San Francisco has my ideal weather. Hopefully you make it over there
Hey fellow Amanda! Thanks for finding me on twitter! Looking forward to following your blog. I was recently talking about the hostel in Corktown – particularly about how I’d like to stay in it to see what it’s like. How was your experience?
Amanda C @ UnrestingSea recently posted..To BL or Not To BL
Thanks for the comment! Well, the hostel was an interesting experience because they were experiencing a power outage when I was there. Besides that, it’s a great location for exploring the Michigan Ave. Corktown scene and all the employees are super helpful and passionate about Detroit. That being said, it’s still Detroit and despite constant reassurances it would be fine, I still wouldn’t walk around there after dark… Let me know if you do go!